J will not work despite the fact Lucy and I know he'd rather be down in his lab. We'll have the dinner that Lucy has planned, and we'll open presents that morning. Yes, Christmas morning, not Christmas eve. None of that midnight stuff that Lucy keeps trying to push on me. I did concede to one gift at midnight, but the rest have to wait until the morning.

We'll put on some stupid movie and just hang out. It's nothing extravagant. It's just a normal Christmas with my family. Because that is what they've become to me. We may not be the typical blend of personalities, but it works. We're happy this way.

Later, after dinner, when we're all kind of winding down, I'll play the piano for them. When J can no longer stand it, we'll tell him it's alright to go to his lab. I'll end up following him there because I'd rather watch him work than play with the new gadgets I've acquired this year.

It may not sound like much, but it's what I'm looking forward to this year.

[locked to Jonathan]

I can fall in love fast with someone, but never easily. Lust is something that I know better than anything else. Lust is easy. You spot someone across the room, and you think they're hot. You flirt with them, and they flirt back. You take them to bed, maybe once, maybe more than once, but it's physical. It's always physical. Maybe something more comes from it, but more often than not it stays as lust.

Obsession is different from lust. Obsession is something that drives you to great lengths to attain what you want. Obsession is something that will keep you up at night. Obsession will justify the choices you make when they couldn't make sense to anyone else. I'm not sure I was ever in lust with you. I know I was obsessed. I'm still obsessed. There is nothing I won't do to make you want to be with me. To make you want me. I've pushed myself further and harder with you than I have ever done with anyone else.

I want to give you everything, and then I want you to demand more. Obsession isn't easy. It isn't something that happens all that often. It happened with you, and I was comfortable there. It fit me like a glove, and I knew that it wasn't one sided. I could tell by the way you looked at me, the things you did to me, that you were obsessed with me too.

I can do lust and obsession, and I think I do it well. I'm well skilled in both, and I'm eager to do better. Love is a different story. Love is complicated and hard. It's more twisted than any experiment you could dream up. Love is something that scares me. It makes me terrified I am going to fuck things up if I fall in love with someone.

So this is my apology. I didn't mean for it to happen, but I've fallen in love with you. It makes me lust after you. It makes the obsession so strong that sometimes I can't sleep at night because I'm drawn to seeking out where you are and being close to you. It means there is nothing you can ask of me that I will not give you. It means you have more power over me than you or I ever anticipated you having. It means you now have the power to destroy me, and I think once upon a time you would have got off on that. But I think things have become twisted and conflicted for you too when it comes to us. Because this wasn't what we expected, and I know how I am when I love someone. I never want to let go. I'm sorry if this means I've screwed things up, but I'm not sorry that I love you. I can't be sorry for that.

I don't expect you to feel the same, but I felt it needed to be said. Love is sacred to me, and I do not give my heart to someone easily. Once I do I give it to them completely. It is now yours to do with as you choose.

1. Take me Under by Three Days Grace
2. Take it Out on Me by Bullet For My Valentine
3. Strange and Beautiful (I'll Put a Spell on You) by Aqualung
4. The Chemicals Between Us by Bush
5. We Both Go Down Together by The Decemberists
6. Hospital Bed Crawl by The Hush Sound
7. I Alone by Live
8. Essence by Lucinda Williams
9. Crushcrushcrush by Paramore
10. Wrapped Around Your Finger by The Police

July A list of people you would die for muse_lists

1. My dad
2. Alex
3. J.
4. Lucy
5. Mary Jane
6. Peter
7. Aunt May
8. Bernard
9. Elizabeth
10. Maria
11. Philip
12. Gus

Ever since arriving in Greece Harry has been dividing his time between Lex, Lucy and Jonathan. Lucy seems fascinated by Harry's oldest friend. She likes to convince Lex to go shopping with her and Harry. She likes to tell him stories, and listen to their stories about their boarding school days. Harry knows that Alex isn't okay. He knows that it's a struggle for Alex to let go of the pain that he's got bottled up inside.

They spend hours painting together. Sometimes Harry starts a paint fight just to unleash whatever part of his Alex that is still locked up tight in the man who is currently staying with him. Harry is all smiles with Alex and Lucy. He's indulgent and patient. It's the perfect vacation. They swim in the pool and the ocean. They build sandcastles. They shop. It's a good time and he thinks he sees both of them coming out of their shells here.

When he's not with Lucy and Alex, he makes his way to the secret lab where Jonathan is running his experiments. Sometimes he watches from a bit of a distance. He knows that there is something broken inside him too. Because the Harry that Alex knew wouldn't get off on seeing Crane run his experiments on people. The Harry that Alex knew wouldn't allow it to happen.

Time has changed the four of them. Life has changed the four of them. They're each a bit broken, yet they connect together like puzzle pieces. Greece agrees with them, Harry thinks.

When he grows bored of watching the experiments he tugs on Crane's tie and kisses him so hard that they are both left breathless. He whispers in Crane's ear the things they could be doing if he would simply lock his work away back in the cage, and spend a little quality time with Harry.

Sometimes Crane pushes him away. He can be so very cold sometimes. He's like ice, Harry thinks. It takes a lot to melt through his defenses and see the man behind the carefully built walls. Harry is like fire of course. What better to melt ice than fire?

Harry makes that point every time that Crane gives in and puts his work away. Harry bleeds for him. He screams for him. He crawls and begs, and tempts and teases. He makes the icy exterior melt, and when he does it properly it's as if Jonathan's fingertips on his skin burns instead of cools.

Harry likes that a lot.

Why in the hell would I be stuck on an island? Did my jet suddenly break down and crash? Has my boats sank? My cell phone doesn't work anymore? I'm planning to spend the summer on my island in Greece, but I wouldn't consider myself stuck there. It's a tropical paradise that I've been dreaming about as spring turned to summer.

Don't get me wrong, I love Manhattan, and for three of the four seasons it's exactly where I want to live. New York is beautiful in the fall, winter and spring. The moment summer rolls around and it's just hot, sticky, and overcrowded. Miserable and ugly with tensions and tempers running high. It's not the kind of place where you want to kick back for the hottest part of the year.

So, yeah, Greece, and my own island. It's definitely where I want to be. If you want to know which things or people I will bring with me there sure.

1. J.
2. Alex
3. Lucy
4. Clothes
5. Ipod
6. Laptop
7. Books
8. Sunglasses
9. more clothes
10. Sunscreen

01) Are you involved with anyone?: Yeah.

02) Where do you wish you were right now?: Somewhere tropical.

03) What should you be doing right now?: Sleeping

04) Does sex mean love?: Nope

05) Are you a bad influence?: Sometimes. Sup.

( more questions )

1. Mary Jane
2. Peter
3. Alex
4. My dealer
5. The brunette from that weekend in Amsterdam
6. That brunette's sister.
7. The redhead from when I was rebounding.
8. Most Victoria's Secret models.
9. Michael.
10. Doctor Crane.